Some days are tough. I feel like, on this journey, every day another little piece of my heart breaks as I witness Brennen's daily struggles, but at the end of the day, I am reminded of the strength of his spirit and it seems like a constant miracle.
I want to share a poem that I came across recently on another special needs site. I have searched and tried to find the author, to thank her for so eloquently expressing exactly what I think and feel, but a name is not listed. I believe that many of us 'Special Needs Moms' can relate to these words, and I want to prepare you for the strength with which they will hit you right in your heart and soul. It hurts, but I know that sometimes your heart needs to be broken in order to be fully open.
You miss the things I haven't done,
the goals not scored, or races won.
The steps my feet have never walked,
the words my lips have never talked.
In my wide eyes you know my fear.
You take my hand and hold me near.
In children, all around you see, the child that I may never be.
Not so able, tough or agile, often tired and much more fragile.
You see the tears I've often cried, and cried them with me, side by side.
Your heart is heavy for my trials, but you wear it well,
with weathered smiles.
I know that you know, I am enough.
But I know the bad days can be tough.
You thank the World for giving me to you,
but you're sad for all I cannot do,
and not because you feel let down my me,
but you can't help wonder how I'd be
if I could do what others do,
like ride a bike or run to you.
You think of all the things I'll miss
first dance, first love,
first date, first kiss.
Yet here I am, as I should be,
not missing out on being me.
Do not fret or worry so
and make your spirit tired with woe.
And when those nights are feeling longer,
lean on me until you're stronger.
Hold my little hand in yours,
peacefully we'll pass the hours.
For all we have is one another,
special child and care worn mother.
Nothing matters more you see,
than seeing all the life in me.
I don't need to be able to
do the things that others do.
See the words I do not say,
in the smiles I give you everyday.
When I'm tired let me rest,
with my little head against your chest
and for that moment in that peace,
let your loving worries cease.
Look at what I can achieve,
and celebrate me, do not grieve.
Please do not be sad because,
I'm not the child I never was.
Different isn't less you know,
and you're the one who told me so.
And some days will be hard to take,
and you'll feel as though your heart might break.
But we'll bounce back,
we always do.
Because you've got me and I've got you.