This is a guest post I wrote for another local blogger, Lisa Walters, of Damsel in a Dress. Lisa writes about her life and her struggles with chronic health issues. She writes in a lighthearted, humorous and refreshing way (girlfriend is hilarious!), and I like that!
Lisa wrote to me several weeks ago, describing a little holiday blog project she was working on where she was putting together a compilation of guest blog posts from writers talking about how to survive the holidays with various conditions, illnesses, and other issues that might make the holidays a little more difficult than they should be.
(Read her description here - How to Deck the Halls when you can Barely Crawl: Surviving the Holidays with a Chronic Illness)
Below is my guest blog post, also published HERE.
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There is a natural desire to pass family traditions down to
the next generation, and I always thought I would do that… until my son,
Brennen came along, rocked my world, and changed how we do things, including
the Holidays, entirely.
For the first couple of years of Brennen’s life, I would
dread going to toy stores. Who am I kidding, I still do. I avoid them at all
costs, knowing that there is very little available that Brennen can “play”
with. Christmas shopping has become a challenge, and though I try to resist it,
every year I inevitably find myself in a toy aisle, tears streaming down my
face with the realization, once again, that I am living in a starkly different
world. While I dream of wrapping up the one thing my child will adore, the one
thing that will attract is attention, ignite his creativity and give him opportunities
to play and learn and grow, it is not that easy. Finding products and toys that
will work for Brennen is difficult. I look at items, analyze their potential,
and ultimately decide that they are not suitable – that he cannot physically
manipulate them on his own, and will be a complete waste of money. Sometimes I
will purchase the toy anyway, in hopes that some miracle will happen and his
skills will improve. Sometimes I just want to feel like any other parent
shopping at Toys R Us, who can pick out a present for their child without having
to stress about whether or not it will be used for its intended purpose, or be
added to the stuff that goes into a closet and never comes out.
We don’t go overboard with gifts. On Christmas morning, we take time to help Brennen unwrap each one, enjoying the sound of ripping paper, and the anticipation of what’s coming next. We focus on the importance of what the holidays are truly about – family and togetherness, kindness and giving, magic and wonder.
Christmas is different with a child with special needs. Brennen
can’t write a letter to Santa. He can’t tell me anything that he would like to
ask for, or what he hopes to find underneath the tree on Christmas morning. He
can’t get up in the middle of the night to exclaim his excitement that Santa has
come, and he can’t unwrap his own gifts. I don’t even know how much he understands
about Christmas or Santa Claus or traditions or magic, but we do it anyway. We
bring Christmas into our home and we celebrate with all of the things that a
little boy should have around him – love and light and wonder and joy. We do it
for him, and we do it for us, as a family. It is important to carry on with
some of the things that meant a lot to us growing up. We love Christmas! I
still get giddy thinking about my favourite Christmas songs (so many I can’t
pick just one!), favourite Christmas movie (Miracle on 34th Street),
and favourite Christmas treats (Mom’s (used to be Nan’s) apricot raisin cake).
My most cherished Christmas memories from when I was a child
are never related to a present. They are memories of going to mass on Christmas
Eve with my father and grandfather, Dad reading The Night Before Christmas to
my sister and I no matter how late it was (literally every year until we moved
out), having turkey dinner on Christmas Day with my Mom’s family, and a
sing-along at my parents’ annual blow-out Boxing Day party (that is still a
tradition today!). My favourite memories revolve around people, family,
spending time with loved ones and celebrating the holidays together. This is
what matters most to me, and this is something that I can continue with my own
little family.
Brennen enjoys the sights and sounds of Christmas. He loves
to look at the twinkly lights on the tree, and we have Christmas music playing
constantly. He is happy when he is surrounded by people, and he certainly knows
that he is loved.
We have started some new traditions. On Christmas Eve, instead
of going out, our family and friends now come to our house to see Brennen
before he gets tucked into bed for the night. Our schedule of events now
includes the Janeway Children’s Hospital Christmas party, Easter Seals
Breakfast with Santa, and the Rainbow Riders Live Nativity. These have quickly
become our favourite and most anticipated events of the season!
Brennen was a Shepherd in the Live Nativity
We don’t go overboard with gifts. On Christmas morning, we take time to help Brennen unwrap each one, enjoying the sound of ripping paper, and the anticipation of what’s coming next. We focus on the importance of what the holidays are truly about – family and togetherness, kindness and giving, magic and wonder.
If I were to give advice to parents of children with special
needs this Christmas, I would have to say not to put too much pressure on
yourself, and don’t expect things to be ‘perfect’. The holidays are stressful
for all parents, but our children’s special needs add an extra degree of
difficulty. Try not to get caught up in the details, and just enjoy the time
with your family. It may not look the way you had envisioned it, and it may not
run as smoothly as you had hoped, but it can still be special. It may not be
what you had planned, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be awesome! Focus on the
positive things, and think of all the things you’re thankful for. Start new
traditions, make it meaningful. Find happiness in your child, and that will get
you through anything!